I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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