Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this will be a night to untag.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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