): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you didnt know i had herpes?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
