Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
