just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
