He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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