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omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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