omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!