I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.