Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.