"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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