dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
