im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
