i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize