dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
