if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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