If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
