their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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