highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
