There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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