i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
