His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
