Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
