He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
