I'm gonna have a badass scar
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
