There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
