Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
