i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
