Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
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This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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