the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
