My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
