His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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