Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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