even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
