I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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