I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
