Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
