the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
