My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
