Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
