1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize