I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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