3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
