I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
