Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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