He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
