hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
