So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
