i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
