so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
