I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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