He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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