Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
