She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
