you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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