I wannas sexs uuuuu
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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