toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
