Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
