in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
