Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
