Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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