It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
