I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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