I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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