So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
