it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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