Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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