Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
