I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
