dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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