I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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