He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize