im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
