somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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