Who wears a wallet chain?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
